Some may think I have grown dependent on them. To be honest, I agree. The medications provide my brain what it needs in order for me to function normally. To be able to focus and concentrate on God while I am praying. Depressive crashes disconnects me from God. I am rendered unable to remember what I've recited (or not) and I end up praying like a drunkard. My heart holds on to my faith in Him but my mind spirals in a tornado from hell. I become a stranger even to myself.
I am well aware that the ill is not able to help the ill. That has proven true too many times in my life and relationships. I know my limitations when I'm experiencing a depressive crash. Hence the reason why I have chosen to exclude myself from the lives of those I love who aren't well themselves. More and more will grow impatient with my condition and pretty soon I will end up facing this alone and misunderstood.
Please pray for Little Ana. She deserves the best. That is something I am not. Never was. Never will be.